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Grief – The first 100 Days

In the last months I have often heard sayings like “Everything will be all right again”, “We will all die sometime” and “But now enough with trust”. And no, it won’t be all right again. The person you have lost cannot be brought back. It is the hard reality. You drive against a wall at full speed. But even if the car is broken and you are injured yourself, it is wounds that heal again or with which you have to learn to live. This is easier said than done and I understand only too well that at the beginning you are not able to accept this life. You want to press the pause button and rewind. It’s a problem that you can’t solve. And it hurts. There are days when you can’t stop crying and there are days when you function outwardly but inside it tears you apart. But mourning is not only mourning. He who mourns also has phases in which one can laugh. Everyone feels sadness differently and it is not always just about people you have lost. Mourning also occurs when you lose a beloved animal or have to say goodbye to a period of your life and there is no way back. Also the end of a friendship can feel like grief after a death.

Grief is like the ocean full of waves. At first they are stormy but they get smaller with time.

The loss tore a deep hole in my heart and although I know how to mourn it was much harder. Meanwhile the first 100 days are over. For me it was always a part of my head that I had to create. I held on to it to survive the funeral and to dissolve the apartment. My grandmother once said that the first half year is the worst. You wake up in the morning with the thought and you don’t have a new routine yet. So you notice the loss all the time. And she knows what she’s talking about! She has lost 2 daughters and her husband.

The 5 phases of mourning are often referred to as denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. My experience was different. In the first days it was a continuous loop. It kept shooting into my head again and again. This pain was not only psychological, but also physical. It felt like a sting between the ribs. I could not imagine living without it. After all, I knew her all my life. Again and again things occurred to me which I still wanted to say. During the apartment dissolution I had so many questions that I would have liked to ask her.

So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.
E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

But what helps with grief? Everyone probably has their own methods or ways of dealing with grief. You can’t learn something like that. It helped me that I also had days for myself, but then went out again when the grief became too much. In the beginning it was difficult for me to dissolve the apartment. One constantly had very personal objects in one’s hand and one would have liked to keep everything. But there will be an extra contribution to the dissolution of the apartment. But it is also important that you get help from e.g. doctors if you have the feeling no longer come out of grief or if it becomes too much. I have you here still a few links and videos.

It is obvious that I am not an expert and that all my experiences are subjective. I am still right in the middle of it. There are good and bad days. I wanted to wait consciously with this contribution until the stress in Mainz is over. It will not remain the only contribution to the topic.

If you have had experiences with grief, you are welcome to write them in the comments!

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